Introducing the Insecure Nervewreck

Friend: So, how are you liking your new guild.
Me: I love it! Exactly what I was looking for! I’m super shy though.
Friend: You? Shy?
Me: OMG yes, I can’t bring myself to talk in gchat or vent.
Friend: Meh, in a few weeks, they’ll be missing your quiet days.
Me: Yeah! I- ….Hey!

We all know the arrogant bastard. The big mouthed guy (or girl) who puts down others, genuinely thinks they’re better/smarter/more useful/prettier/better in the kitchen than they really are. The person that make Type B personalities politely smile and look away and that make Type A personalities blow a gasket. We come across them all the time in the offline world as well as in WoW. Bloggers of all types feed their readers with lovely tales of the arrogant bastard.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, is the insecure nervewreck. Due to the insecure nervewrecks’ quiet demeanor, he (or she) is not noticed as much. Subtle signs of mild insecure nervewreckness may include over apologizing, slow typing due to erasing and retyping multiple times and making really stupid, obvious mistakes. Still not sure what I mean? Lets have some examples!

New friend: Hi! How’re you doing?
Me: *starts typing then erases*
Me: *types than erases*
Me: *types than erases*
*5 minutes later*
Me: Doing good.

There’s a reason I don’t do twitter.

In a raid setting this slow communication can be problematic.

Raid leader: Who has an aura mastery available?
Me: *has an aura mastery available* ….
Raid leader: No one?
Me:….
Me:….
Me: *croaks* I do.

Of course by then it was far too late. Ok, note to self, call out available aura mastery earlier.

One week later

Raid leader: Who has an aura mastery avail-
Me: I DO!
Raid leader: Ok, use yours next.
Me: *hovers finger over button, oh boi oh boi oh boi*
Me: *accidentally hits aura mastery far too early*
Me: I give up.

Those classes in grade school where we sat in circles and talked about our problems came to mind. You know, the ones where the teacher would tell us how important it was to talk about our feelings. “Talking about the things that bother us makes us feel better”, she would say. So I thought about it.

Me: I wonder if I told people exactly how nervous I get, I would feel better.
Myself: No wai! They would think you’re crazy, you’re a drama whore and no one will want to be around you.
Me: :(
Me: …
Me: What if I blogged about it?
Myself: Blogging about it is fine.

Oh, but I still die a bit inside whenever I get a spike in traffic. I’m pleased that some people appreciate my lose screws but it’s like everyone staring at you while you’re naked. Maybe I’m half exhibitionist?

Also, this gem of a conversation I had today.

Guild Master: LF a holy pally blogger.
Me: Codi from Moarhps is really awesome.
*awkward silence*
Me: /facepalm self

It’s not a secret, I just hate advertising myself. I didn’t lie though. Codi does know her holy pallies.

EDIT: Added another scenario! Oh, and after two weeks or so, I’ve gotten way more comfortable. Now just seems like a better time to write about nervous screw ups.

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22 Comments on “Introducing the Insecure Nervewreck”

  1. Anea Says:

    Me: *hovers finger over button, oh boi oh boi oh boi*

    I LOVE that line!

    You’re right – we never heard about this side of the spectrum. I’m glad that you can overcome it and blog though :)

    • Ophelie Says:

      Thank you very much!

      I can’t say I’ve really overcome it, I still get very queezy about some posts (hence why I was quick to bury this kinda personal one under a long, dry paladin-related post), but I’m having so much fun that it’s worth it. And if anyone gets some laughs out of my sillyness, then it’s even more worth it.


  2. Codi does know her stuff! I always feel nervous posting anything theorycrafting related because I am completely intimidated by her awesomeness. Everytime I start to analyze something, and consider posting about it, and start writing it… I end up erasing the whole thing and just linking to moarhps. I swear it’s not that I’m lazy!

    I’m a lot like you, I can be really shy and quiet at first (uhm, I think) and then all of a sudden I explode in ceaseless giggly loud chatter. I annoy even myself. And then as soon as I realize how annoying I am I shut up for a week, only to explode in ceaseless loud chatter all over again. Or wait, maybe you aren’t like that… maybe that really IS just me…

    (And I don’t like advertising myself either!)

    • Ophelie Says:

      Yeah, Codi, along with some awesome pally tanking bloggers, are part of the reason I keep theorycrafting stuff to a minimum. I’ll leave it to the pros instead of embarrassing myself!

      I get that too, where after getting too chatty, I try to stop. But generally once I’m comfortable around people, I can’t stop!

  3. Duht Says:

    What you describe, totally me. What’s worse is when I start to think about being a thirty-something year old man who is scared that the mean mean people on the internets might think I push buttons bad. Talk about a self esteem downward spiral. =P

    When I apped to the guild I’m in now, I was a mess for about a month. Many of the raiders had some vanilla raiding experience, and most had moderately progressed TBC experience. They were fairly deep into Ulduar, and my prior guild couldn’t down anything but Flame Leviathan. I was outclassed, outgeared, and felt like a complete stain. I spent the day after every raid feeling horrible, berating myself for every mistake, writing and deleting apologies in the guild forums. Once I settled down, I made less mistakes and generally began to enjoy tanking again. For a while though, being in a place where your mistakes are so obvious to the rest of the raid made me just want to crawl into a hole and die.

    • Ophelie Says:

      Insecure nervewrecks of WoW unite!

      Tanking is probably the worst role for that because you’re at the forefront and when you screw up, you can’t hide it! I love tanking, but to this day, I’m very reluctant to tank in front of strangers.

      Huge props to you for sticking with it!

  4. Matticus Says:

    Incoming epic blog rebuttal post designed to shake that nervousness out of you.

    Remember, you’re in the raid and the guild for a reason. I don’t know why people have such… taboo feelings about advertising their work. We live in an age where there’s so much mediocrity and similarity between blogs. In order to gain traction and viewership, one _has_ to shamelessly self-promote and be outstanding. You should be proud of your blog and the work you put into it not ashamed. The next time I cry out for a Holy blogger in frustration, I hope to see your name in the hat especially when you’re in the party. I suppose I’ll just have to be more direct in the future as a simple nudge may not be enough. Guess I’ll have to settle for a swift kick to the ass ^^.

    • Ophelie Says:

      Ha!

      In all honesty, I don’t write to compete or to draw a lot of attention to myself, I have enough of that to do in my offline life. I write for me and if others enjoy it, it’s a bonus.

      But if you do ever want to talk…business, I might panic less if the entire raid wasn’t yelling “say no!”. ;D


  5. [...] made it onto the list, she’s been a welcome addition into the guild. Appears to be suffering from a bout of insecurity and nervousness though. I don’t know why. She’s held her own in heroic mode 25s after barely a week of being invited [...]

  6. Rajjs Says:

    I know exactly how you feel. The guild I’m in now I was actually invited into because I have a friend in there in real life that got me into playing WoW. I feel like such a poser. They raid, talk theorycraft, raid, raid, and hang out online. I don’t raid and I’m shy about talking. My issue comes from being incorrect. If I can’t guarantee that I will be correct then I won’t speak up let alone self-advertise. Congrats to all those nervewrecks who are breaking down barriers and good luck to others like me.

    EDIT: Dang wordpress and your need to have the spelling be correct all the time. What if I want to spell wrong!

    • Ophelie Says:

      I definitely worry about being incorrect too! Even when I write, I double, triple check everything and still fret about misinformation. When I joined my new guild, it took me some time before I remembered that, yes, I do know how to play a paladin. I was so worried about being ignorant!

      I can see how it would be tough when you’re in a raiding guild as a social. Chat can get pretty technical and those who don’t care about raid mechanics often get left out.

  7. KimboSlice Says:

    If I know how shy you were I would have tormented you even more! :D

  8. Grognik Says:

    I have to admit in the past I too have fallen into both categories you describe here so I can understand whwre you are coming from.

    Overall though I am very impresed with your writing style and look forward to reading more of what you have to say. I play many different classes and raid with most of them on a regular basis so I am always looking for interesting takes on the various aspects of each class.

    Glad you decided to write the guest post for matt otherwise I might have missed your wonderful writing.

    Grognik the altoholic :)


  9. [...] blog. I stumbled across it after Matticus linked to it, and fell in love. In particular, with this article. That is me; I am that. The insecure nervewreck. The only difference is that, while Ophelie relaxed [...]


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