3 younger sisters? Yikes! I can see how that would give you a good understanding of nuances in inter-gender behavior!

I really like your outlook on guild leadership and you seem to have a great relationship with your members. I think many of us could learn a lot from you.

Myself, I’m the oldest of 4 children, the other three being very attractive girls. I’ve had plenty of time to get accustomed to playing big brother, mostly in a supportive way, and (at least like to think) that I’m pretty in tune with what does and does not cross that invisible line from raunchy behavior to inappropriate behavior.

Honestly, if she wanted to be at our level of gaming, and was qualified, I probably would have accepted her, and been very upfront with her that my guild can get quite lewd during raiding hours, and up front with my guild that any comments squarely directed at her would not be tolerated. I’ve had children of mothers who both play in the guild, married couples, fourteen year old kids both men and women, and everything in between raid with us. I spend 7 hours a week raiding with them, and close to 30 talking with them all before and after raids. I’m accessible, easy to talk to, but all the people in my guild know that while I am very pliable with jokes, comments that are directed at people that make them feel uncomforable in any way will be addressed, and at best they get a stern talking to about it, at worst, they are removed from the guild.

I think a guild, is like any other social environment, and I treat myself as the owner…the responsibility falls on me, so I involve myself in it as deeply as my time will allow, to make sure that the process of progression, both in and out of raiding, is as comfortable and smooth as can be for as many people as I can make it.

But, with all of that said, it is good to know your limitations, and know what situations you can and can’t handle. If you feel, deep down, that you were not equipped to deal with a situation like that, then it is probably best that you don’t accept a player whose presence might expose you to problems you don’t feel comfortable to address, much less deal with in an appropriate manner.

But to extend that thought…there is no shame in that. You’re not doing them, or yourself, any favors by exposing themselves or you to the potential of a problem gone wrong. Best to leave those players to find an environment where they can feel comfortable, and keep yours comfortable so that you can continue to make solid, good decisions for the guildies that ARE in your guild, instead of compromising that in any way.

Reading this, I understand that you think it’s about sexism, but it sounds more like it’s about being responsible. If the worry was there, there was probably good reason to dismiss the application, even if nothing ever came from that worry. Worry is not a bad thing to have…it’s a mark of being responsible, and declining someone for fear of what they might get exposed to, is not anything to be ashamed of.

I don’t think you did the “right” or “wrong” thing…you did the right thing for you, based on what you feel was right for her. That’s not sexism…that’s being a responsible adult, and making the best decision you can for another human being based on your best judgement.

I’d like to address: ” there are a million sites”

A guild isn’t like a “site”. A “site” is just words and pictures. A guild is constituted of individuals. Individuals who interact semi-anonymously with each other, often on a daily basis. You can’t compare the two.

I’m sure a teenage boy would have a similar effect on a guild, but it seems that the effect is stronger with a girl. Which is quite a shame.

I don’t see it as sheltering someone from reality, especially since we were protecting ourselves more than protecting her. She would obviously be exposed to “mature” behaviour anyway, but it’s far more appropriate coming from peers than from men her fathers age. Also, while there are many things we can’t control, we still feel responsible for actions carried out by guild members.

(ps, I hope I’m still making sense here, I’m completely exhausted, but really want to answer comments in a timely manner.)

It wasn’t so much to avoid her being exposed to mature conversations, but rather exposing her to mature conversations from people old enough to be her parents. I can’t speak for the other guild officers, but personally I think teenagers SHOULD be exposed to those topics and should be exploring their sexuality (although the internet isn’t the most appropriate environment for that!). However, they should be doing that among their peers.

For example, my current guild is generally much younger. Our guild chat can get way more intense than my old guild chat ever was, yet I wouldn’t be uncomfortable knowing there’s a teenage girl in the room. The reason being that the people having these conversations are usually other teenagers.

I never stopped to think about all the amount of change both genders go through. I’m not sure if women go through a greater degree a change, but it does seem we go through more visible changes. Our journey from childhood to late life is indeed a long and complex one.

We usually did reject 15 year old boys as well (with a few exceptions) because, as you pointed out, it makes sense to hang out with those closest to us in age. The case of the girl just left an impression in my mind because our decision to reject her was based on a different reasoning.

What struck me, though, was that our thought process was different when we had a teenage girl apply. With the boys, rejection was based on a poor application or apparent immaturity. When it was a girl, there was nothing personal about the rejection, only that there were risks that we weren’t willing to take.