Secret Santa Guest Post: 5 Tips to make your healer happy, applies in Dungeons & Raids!

[EDIT by Ophelie] I’m really excited. I received a Secret Santa guest post from Nicegrl for Christmas! (And now I look like a slacker since I haven’t written my Secret Santa guest post yet.) Seems like she spends as much time as I do pugging heroics. I got a good laugh from her post and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

Hello everyone I am Nicegrl guest posting for Bossy Pally. As most of you in Blog Azeroth community know, it is time for Secret Santa: Version 2010. I thought “Yay, this is fun” and signed up filled with joy. Until I got my mail: “You’ve been paired up!‏” (with a moderator of Blog Azeroth, so you better write something perfect or we will find you and make sure your blog just.. dies and your druid too) So I went into the fetal position, (as most healthy and normal people would after getting a challenge like this) and thought long and hard what my post would be about. Hope you guys enjoy it.

5 Tips to make your healer happy, applies in Dungeons & Raids!

After having spent sometime in Cataclysm HCs, I thought I’d share some advice that I picked up from my experiences with expert PuG DPSes. Please give all credit to them for the contents of this post, as they were the source of such invaluable tips. Since me and Bossy Pally are both healers, I will explain from the perspective of a healer how you guys (as Tanks and DPS) can help us in instances and raids to make it a much more pleasant healing experience. Consider this your Christmas gift!

Step One: DO stand in the fire! In order to get out of the fire, you must move. Moving is bad, since you might get out of range of your healer. Getting out of range of your healer is bad, so don’t move. Flawless logic.

Step Two: Help the tank by attacking and taking aggro from a ranged mob/add. If one is being crowd controlled, this one is your first choice (see step 3). Remember, less damage on the tank is less damage the healer has to heal! Where might the rest of the damage go, you may ask. No one knows… No one knows…

Step Three: Crowd controlling (CCing) is for wusses. Overpower your enemy!

Take, for example, this great conversation I had in a random Heroic:
Tank: Who can CC?
Priest: ….r u kiddin?
Shaman: I’ll do it.

The Shaman is clearly a wuss. The Priest had Light Of The Dawn (Killing Lich King Heroic 25 man) so he must be right. Because having Light Of The Dawn means you’re automatically right… in everything! Also, your healer will run out of mana if you CC the mobs, because the fight lasts longer attacking mobs one at a time. Again, flawless logic.

Step Four: When a tank marks a target with a skull, DON’T ATTACK IT! Skulls signify danger, so you should attack any other mob but it. This also helps you accomplish step number 2!

Step Five: Tactics are for noobs. Leroy Jenkins got the job done when he ran into the whelp room and survived it all. For example, if the tank says you should concentrate on attacking the adds or move when the boss charges, don’t listen. There is no such thing as an immune boss, so just keep attacking it! If your interface pops up with messages indicating the boss is immune, just ignore it. It’s just the boss tricking you.

Bonus Tip: If all else fails, blame your healer. A wipe occurs when everyone’s HP runs out. It’s the healer’s job to heal. Therefore, the healer is to blame. Use this line as mathematical proof that you standing in the fire did not cause the wipe. If they try to explain otherwise, call them retards and /ragequit.

With the best wishes for a happy Christmas to you all!

Love nicegrl.com

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16 Comments on “Secret Santa Guest Post: 5 Tips to make your healer happy, applies in Dungeons & Raids!”


  1. [...] up with till 24th decemeber. I got paired up with Bossy Pally and wrote her a Guest post called 5 Tips To make your healer happy, applies in dungeons & Raids. So if you want to read it just click on the title above and you’re sent there. Hope you guys [...]

  2. Natalie Says:

    Love it! Hehehehe I just got out of Heroic Grim Batol and got a good laugh over it. We did down the bossfights..but we went through two tank friends, about 4 DPS, and now I have a headache… *hugs* I spent 1000g on flasks and maybe 4 hours in there..for 70 stupid Valor points… I healed. It hurt. Painful. People standing in stuff. *CRY*

  3. ladyerinia Says:

    Oh, that was absolutely precious! Nice post! (now I feel inadequate about my guest post! *snort*)

  4. Kallixta Says:

    Well, I followed your advice, but my PUGmates obviously don’t read your posts. They apparently think others have better ideas, as if! So I told them I was just following Ophelie’s advice. I couldn’t be bothered to remember it was actually nicegrl, but I’m sure that doesn’t make a difference.

    I was so glad to see I was already doing most of these suggestions. I just need to remember not to move out of the bad. It’s one of those habits that’s hard to break. Thanks!

  5. slice213 Says:

    lmao priceless! When I Q as DPS next time I shall print these out and have them next to me!

  6. Phelps Says:

    Actually, Leroy Jenkins died in the whelp room because all his healers sucked and were teribads.

  7. Wile E. Coli Says:

    I keep getting kicked from groups because I am doing less DPS than the tank. Don’t you agree that the tank needs to try to do less DPS? If he is going to do more DPS, he should have queued as DPS!!

  8. Comito Says:

    Humourous post I have to say!

  9. nugget Says:

    Heh.

    I healed a group recently where someone lagged behind, got hit by a pat, out of range and out of LoS, and the mage with us said, ‘How dare you let name die!’

    Well, when the pat came for us, I figured out what it was.

    Me: Died to a pat, out of range, out of LoS, not my problem, not my fault.
    Mage: Hey lighten up, I’m just trying to make my 3am grind more bearable.

    Newsflash: saying something like that to a healer is NOT FUNNY. Maybe you (you, random stupid mage) think it is, because you’ve never played a healer, and never pugged, and never had to deal with the crap healers have to deal with, being blamed for EVERYTHING. So maybe you think it’s funny. It’s not.

    /rant

    *scuffle*

    • Ophelie Says:

      That’s when you blame the tank. You didn’t heal the guy who was 100 yrs away? Well the tank didn’t pick up those adds!

      And the dps should have killed the mobs before they killed the straggler!

  10. SmashNHeal Says:

    Great post. However, my view as a PuGging tank has led me to believe you left a few items out. Perhaps they were missed because you healers are bad in everything you do.

    - When the healer indicates he/she is OOM and the tank says ‘k, we’ll wait”, “we” means only the tank and healer. The less time wasted sitting around drinking, the faster the dungeon gets completed. Go pull something. Fast.

    - Giving the tank 1-2 seconds to solidy aggro on a mob was so last expansion pack. This is Cataclysm for crying out loud, and we all need to learn how to adapt to the changes the devs have made. Again, the faster mobs die, the faster the dungeon completes.

    - Taking damage in any fashion is why the game has healers. Tanks can self heal, so obviously the healers are there to repair DPS. Otherwise, what would a healer be doing in the dungeon for 2 hours? Gotta make sure everyone is working for their points.

    - Need on everything. A vendor will be more than happy to buy an awesome staff from a DK for 12 gold.

    - If the dungeon is taking too long, just leave mid-fight. Tanks with 150k health who pull only 1-2 mobs at a time are sissies. Didn’t we take on the Lich King himself with tanks who only had 50k health?

    - If it is your first time in a heroic dungeon, don’t tell anyone, even if they ask. The boss is reading chat and will know to pick on the noob.

    Great post, as always. Hope you had a great Christmas.

    ~Smash

    • Ophelie Says:

      I seriously laughed out loud at the true definition of “we”. Explains a lot!

      There’s also:

      Don’t attack a mob is someone else is already attacking it. Stealing mobs is bad, bad. Find your own mob.

      • SmashNHeal Says:

        Awesome addition. Perhaps you should consolidate these into a top ten list and send them to WoW Insider (please include Wile E. Coli’s comment above). Besides, how else are players going to know what to do and what not to do in a PuG?

        • Ophelie Says:

          Hmm, I’d be worried that people actually take the list seriously! I trust the common sense of my blog readers, but I question some of the commenters on WoW Insider!

          WoW Insider did link to this post in the daily quest though (I wish I could have seen Nicegrl’s face when I told her that her post got 3k hits in a matter of hours!)


  11. [...] that enlarges various body parts). But one stood out. Bossy Pally sent me a message that my Secret Santa Guest post has been linked to on Wow Insider Daily Quests also known as Joystiq.com, along with a nerve [...]


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