During the school year, I can’t wait until Friday and Saturday night to crack open some beers or a bottle of wine, close my door and play WoW in peace and quiet. Schooldays are just so crazy hectic that by the time the weekend comes along, I just want to be left alone.
Then summer got close and I came up with the stupid idea to relocate across the country “to try something different”. Despite the idea being very stupid, the experience has been a good one- I discovered a lot of things as I went about my merry way with my backpack, professionally, I got to see a reality different from the one I was used to in Newfoundland and personally, I got to reconnect with an old friend I hadn’t seen in years.
Then suddenly, I went to play WoW and I didn’t want to.
I went over the list of other things I could do in my head.
- I could call my parents.
- I could watch TV.
- I could update my blog.
- I could stare at the wall and feel sorry for myself.
I sighed, logged into WoW and finished the Wintersaber Trainer’s rep grind. Now that I’m exalted, I have no idea what to do next. Get the Justicar title maybe?
During the school year, I have that itch to play. This summer, I seem to have an itch that just doesn’t seem to scratch.
I move around a lot. I took off on my own nearly 10 years ago, when I was 18. Since then, I’ve rarely lived in the same place for longer than a year. I seem to be happy everywhere I go, but I don’t seem to like living places. At first, I’d get attached to people and was devastated every time I relocated. Goodbyes were painful and full of tears. After many years and many goodbyes, it just became part of life. You meet people, you make friends, you leave them, you miss them for a little while then you move on. There’s the odd friend that sticks around, but for the most part, I don’t get too attached. It’s not intentional, its just habit.
One thing I’ve always loved about online communities is that they’re relatively constant. No matter where you are physically, they’re always accessible. I’ve outgrown the deep, intense friendships I had with my online pals as a teenager (I guess all friendships, offline and online, burn a little softer as we get older. I know “high school social life” is generally thought of as a bad, immature thing, but I can say with certainty that I was much better at friendship when I was a teenager than I am now.) but I still enjoy cheerful chit chat over vent or casual girl talk in whispers while running circles around Dalaran.
So what’s gotten into me now?
I’m homesick as heck. Me! Can you believe it? For the past four summers, I’ve worked at the same camp for children with autism back in my hometown of Québec city.
It’s one of those things that I seem to be made for and until I didn’t have it anymore, I didn’t really realize how much I depended on it. Oh, at the ends of the summers, when I’d go back to school, I’d go through a few weeks of withdrawal- after a summer working with such a fantastic team, it’s hard to get back used be around people who, um, aren’t totally in synch with you. But this is different.
I do enjoy my current job as an intern, but it’s not the same. I miss using my imagination to solve problems, instead of pubmed. I miss the craziness of soothing an aggressive child who’s having a meltdown versus a customer angry at their insurance. I miss working with a team of girls who, in times of crisis, can read my mind and function as one. I miss the bond I form with each kid, as we constantly anticipate each others’ next move. I miss the confidence, the feeling that I know I can find a solution, no matter what. I miss tickling the little ones, I miss teaching the girls to braid their hair, I miss playing ball with the boys, I miss the hugs, I miss the laughing over silly things and I even miss the rare times where I reach my limits and come close to losing my temper.
It’s a shame, but life does have to go on. I can’t live off a summer job that pays barely more than minimum wage forever. There’s that gaping void, though, that I can’t seem to fill. I can’t fill it with traveling, I can’t fill it with the people currently around me, I can’t fill it with my job and I certainly can’t fill it with WoW.
WoW’s been my escapism of choice for the past few years, but sometimes even WoW’s not enough to relieve that itchy scratchy thing.
So..what do you think? Justicar title next? I don’t really feel like leveling alts but I’m running out of grindy achievements.