Posted tagged ‘making fun of stupid people’

Secret Santa Guest Post: 5 Tips to make your healer happy, applies in Dungeons & Raids!

December 25, 2010

[EDIT by Ophelie] I’m really excited. I received a Secret Santa guest post from Nicegrl for Christmas! (And now I look like a slacker since I haven’t written my Secret Santa guest post yet.) Seems like she spends as much time as I do pugging heroics. I got a good laugh from her post and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

Hello everyone I am Nicegrl guest posting for Bossy Pally. As most of you in Blog Azeroth community know, it is time for Secret Santa: Version 2010. I thought “Yay, this is fun” and signed up filled with joy. Until I got my mail: “You’ve been paired up!‏” (with a moderator of Blog Azeroth, so you better write something perfect or we will find you and make sure your blog just.. dies and your druid too) So I went into the fetal position, (as most healthy and normal people would after getting a challenge like this) and thought long and hard what my post would be about. Hope you guys enjoy it.

5 Tips to make your healer happy, applies in Dungeons & Raids!

After having spent sometime in Cataclysm HCs, I thought I’d share some advice that I picked up from my experiences with expert PuG DPSes. Please give all credit to them for the contents of this post, as they were the source of such invaluable tips. Since me and Bossy Pally are both healers, I will explain from the perspective of a healer how you guys (as Tanks and DPS) can help us in instances and raids to make it a much more pleasant healing experience. Consider this your Christmas gift!

Step One: DO stand in the fire! In order to get out of the fire, you must move. Moving is bad, since you might get out of range of your healer. Getting out of range of your healer is bad, so don’t move. Flawless logic.

Step Two: Help the tank by attacking and taking aggro from a ranged mob/add. If one is being crowd controlled, this one is your first choice (see step 3). Remember, less damage on the tank is less damage the healer has to heal! Where might the rest of the damage go, you may ask. No one knows… No one knows…

Step Three: Crowd controlling (CCing) is for wusses. Overpower your enemy!

Take, for example, this great conversation I had in a random Heroic:
Tank: Who can CC?
Priest: ….r u kiddin?
Shaman: I’ll do it.

The Shaman is clearly a wuss. The Priest had Light Of The Dawn (Killing Lich King Heroic 25 man) so he must be right. Because having Light Of The Dawn means you’re automatically right… in everything! Also, your healer will run out of mana if you CC the mobs, because the fight lasts longer attacking mobs one at a time. Again, flawless logic.

Step Four: When a tank marks a target with a skull, DON’T ATTACK IT! Skulls signify danger, so you should attack any other mob but it. This also helps you accomplish step number 2!

Step Five: Tactics are for noobs. Leroy Jenkins got the job done when he ran into the whelp room and survived it all. For example, if the tank says you should concentrate on attacking the adds or move when the boss charges, don’t listen. There is no such thing as an immune boss, so just keep attacking it! If your interface pops up with messages indicating the boss is immune, just ignore it. It’s just the boss tricking you.

Bonus Tip: If all else fails, blame your healer. A wipe occurs when everyone’s HP runs out. It’s the healer’s job to heal. Therefore, the healer is to blame. Use this line as mathematical proof that you standing in the fire did not cause the wipe. If they try to explain otherwise, call them retards and /ragequit.

With the best wishes for a happy Christmas to you all!

Love nicegrl.com


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