Posted tagged ‘shared topic’

Blogger Elder Project: 5-Man PuG Social Rules

March 6, 2010

EDIT: I kinda feel bad for not posting anything actually useful for what was supposed to be a helpful event. If you came here looking for some fairly applicable Bossy Pally tips, check out my guide to tanking heroics without running out of mana, some techniques for effective complaining and my holy paladin talents discussion.

So I’m a little last minute with this Blogger Elder post (why isn’t anyone surprised?) But I’m getting it done AND THATS WHAT COUNTS MKAY?

I run a lot of 5-mans PuGs. Being a healer (and if I have to wait longer than 2 minutes in the queue, I magically become a tank) really helps my number of 5-mans:time ratio. I’ve noticed that quite a few people don’t know how to behave in a 5-man PuG. There is some sort of 5-man culture. Tourists unfamiliar with that culture, they stick out.

Due my inability to take anything seriously, I present to all 5-man tourists, a quick run down of social rules in a 5-man. After my quick tips, you’ll never feel out of place in a random PuG again!

1- Greeting your PuGmates is accepted but not encouraged.

It’s ok if you say “hi” at the beginning of the instance. Nothing longer than “hi”. Others may say “hi” as well. It’s not encouraged, though, so don’t come to expect greetings and certainly don’t expect answers. “gogogo” is another acceptable alternative to “hi”. Note: never capitalize. Delete the shift key from your keyboard.

2- As you zone in, type in “might”.

Even if you play a mage and even if there’s no paladin in the party, you should still type “might” as you zone in. If you are feeling particularly social, it’s ok to say “might plz”.

3- After the first pull, do not communicate with your PuGmates unless desperately required.

You can always spot a tourist by their strange small talk. Small talk is a big no-no. If you are grouped with a small talking tourist, look the other way and pretend not to be reading party chat.

4- If you must communicate, use words that are 1 letter or shorter.

“r u r y” is an appropriate sentance, “Are you ready, yes?” is not. The goal here is not to be understood. Besides, everyone is busy pretending not to be reading party chat anyway.

5- Follow each request by “ffs”

Need to ask your healer for a “h” ? “ffs” Want the tank to “p” faster? “ffs” You don’t have a “k” buff? (Whether or not there’s a paladin in the group is irrelevant.) “ffs”

6- If you are dps, during trash, always attack the creature the tank has the least threat on.

Check the tank’s threat level on all the mobs before unleashing and always choose the one where the tank has the least threat. Never attack the tank’s target, always go for the one the tank has the least threat on. If you take too much damage, type “h”. If you die, “ffs”.

7- After a boss kill, if anyone asks if they can need, DO NOT ANSWER!

If you need something, it is acceptable to ask if you can need, but it is not acceptable to respond if someone else asks. If the asker waits for a response, “ffs”.

8- After the last boss, wait to see if anyone rolls need on the orb. If no one does, roll need at the very end.

Some groups might say “roll need” or “r n” at the beginning. In that case, you can roll need the second the boss drops. Also, if another person rolls need before you roll, you can safely go ahead. However, if others are rolling greed, do not roll until the very end! And whatever you do, do not ever greed on orbs.

9- Before leaving group, “thx” is acceptable, but not encouraged.

If you’re an especially nice person, you can say “thx” at the end of the run. If your group was exceptional, you can tell them they were a good group as well by typing “gg”. It’s not encouraged, but no one will hold it against you. Nothing more though! No full words! Only “thx” and “gg”. And like the “hi” you may say at the beginning of the run, it’s completely normal if no one answers.

10- Don’t ever be the last person to leave the group

I don’t know what happens if you’re the last one to leave. I’ve never tried. I’m sure it’s terrible, though. So play safe, leave group ASAP!

With those easy rules, you’ll fit right into random 5-man culture! Say goodbye to awkwardy touristy moments and embrace your new local pugger self!

Of course, if you want some more serious WoW advice, check out Khi’s original post at her blog, The Tree Burglar and her Blogging Elder Project thread at Blog Azeroth.

Shared Topic: Positive Random Dungeon Stories

March 4, 2010

“Is my DPS high enough?”

Our warlock shyly asked us if she was doing alright. I assured her that stuff was dying fast enough so I was satisfied. Our crazy well-geared and could have gotten away with being arrogant tank agreed with me.

This week’s Shared Topic, as suggested by Zan from Altoholic Anonymous aims to balance out all the pugging horror stories floating around the internet. Links to the other participating posts can be found at Blog Azeroth. Also want to mention that I noticed a few other bloggers coincidentally posting about happy LFD stories earlier this week. I didn’t catch names so please let me know or report to Blog Azeroth so I can link you on the Shared Topic recap at Twisted Nether.

Hey, we're almost all at full health! Must be a good group!

I have talked about how impossibly lucky I am with the LFD before, but since I don’t recycle posts for Shared Topics, I have two newer stories to share.

Back to our warlock, I knew it was a “she” because the instance was Oculus. The date was December 26th, some time before the instance was nerfed. Not that it really matters… Players still instantly drop group upon zoning into Oculus. So yeah, after our first tank immediately dropped, I got to know the rest of my pugmates pretty well. After our second tank immediately dropped, I got to know them even better.

The warlock told us about how excited her kids were with their Christmas presents. She’s a cool (and obviously rich!) mom who got her kids some video games. The DK chimmed in that he and his wife were expecting their first kid in a few months. The rogue let us know that he was a kid. I couldn’t contribute much to that conversation so they looked at my mana and asked if I ever ran out.

Relaxing and chit-chatting made the wait rather enjoyable. It was especially nice that all four of us were coming from completely different worlds, yet we had plenty to talk about.

The wait was getting long, so eventually the DK offered to reforge his weapon and tank for us. Obviously, as soon as he finished reforging, a third tank zoned in. We called the DK back.

Is this one staying?

We burst out laughing and tried to explain to the clueless tank that we’d been stranded at the entrance of Oculus for the past half hour.

Anyway, once we had a tank, we finished the instance in 15 minutes. Utter faceroll.

And the warlock’s DPS?

Who cares?

My other group had a colder start. I had an ominous feeling when the rogue asked for might. Never mind that the warrior tank that was from his guild already had Improved Battle Shout up. (Yes, I realized that there’s something wrong there.) The ominous feeling grew when we wiped a few pulls in. Wiping a few pulls into Utgarde Keep must be a bad sign.

Sure, in a way, the wipe was my fault, I neglected bubbling or healing myself while I was being attacked because I thought I’d have time after getting that big heal out on the rogue. I shrugged.

As I was running back, I got a whisper from the tank.

I’m going to blame the dps for that wipe and deny that it had anything to do with my crappy tanking. I’m just a dps skipping the queue.

Oh dear. I guess that explained the Improved Battle Shout. I confessed that I could have bubbled but didn’t. He was easy to heal (after all, the mobs were beating on the dps and I more than on him), so it was all good. I just vowed to be more careful.

Thankful for my good nature, the tank chatted with me for a bit as we ran the instance. He told me his stories of fail, bragged about his Ulduar tanking gear. He must have been the funniest guy I’ve ever run into in a pug. He may not have had mad tanking skillz, but he certainly made up for it by having me laughing my face off.

And yeah, we got through the rest of UK without any further problems.

Shared Topic: How Will Cataclysm Change YOUR Game?

February 26, 2010

What is it with these really hard shared topics? When Rilandune from Heroically Random! suggested we talk about our playing plans for Cataclysm and Pheadra from DI The Tank suggested we talk about changes to the game we’d like to see, I groaned a bit and googled “Cataclysm”. I didn’t discover anything I didn’t already know, but for those of you who are even worse than I am with WoW news, here are some references you might appreciate.

Official Cataclysm Website
Official Cataclysm Forums
MMO Champions Cataclysm Thread

I’m going to announce something that will terribly shock you all : I’m sticking with my paladin in Cataclysm. Probably keeping my same playstyle too. Healing most of the time, tanking part time and dpsing when I’m drunk. I’m hoping my guildies won’t be sick of me either, I enjoy my Azerothian home and would like to stick with it.

I also expect to start another paladin to toy around with, just to see how the pally leveling experience has changed. One can never have too many paladins!

I guess I’ll eventually get a Goblin. Yes, I know I usually play Alliance. But given the choice between playing a short, green creature and playing a very hairy creature, it’s a no brainer.

What really comes to mind when I think of Cataclysm, though, is every time I hear the words: “This is my last expansion, I’m not playing anymore after Wrath.

To which my knee jerk reaction is, but…but…you can’t…I like you.

Granted, many of those who plan on leaving might not actually mean it. Once upon a time, I knew a fellow player that I didn’t like much (while I’m generally pretty nice on my blog, rumor has it I don’t like everyone all the time). He was always saying things like “Oh, I’m quitting WoW for Hello Kitty Online!” Each time I would rejoice, only to be disappointed a week later when Hello Kitty Online or Aion or that game with the half dressed chick in handcuffs that advertises on WoW websites didn’t deliver.

Still, I’m a little apprehensive of player turnover. Maybe a little excited, as well. I hate seeing teammates go, but it’s fun to hear from old long lost friends who’re stopping by to see what all the fuss is about. New expansions are the time, every few years, where I get to hassle people about how they never call or write or answer the emails I send them. Just because I’m answering-emailically challenged is no excuse for everyone else to not answer. I’m polishing my giant spoon as await the many returns.



So what do I hope for Cataclysm?

Rideable druids.

No, not like that you dirty people.

Since I often find myself playing lowbies with druid friends, it irks me to no end to run behind their travel form. Or, in later levels, to have stop and wait for them to catch up to my mount. Or, to just be separated in any way while running. I’m not clingy, I’m impatient. I want to ride my friends.

I’m having trouble coming up with significant changes I’d like to see. I went to suggest changes to the Auction House and Mail system, but those would be better suited for minor patch changes, not an expansion.

Having so little tangible information on the actual changes to the talent trees and gear stats, it’s difficult to say what else I would like to see. I know I want paladins to keep their versatility. I don’t mind that we struggle with raid healing more than the other classes since we also have the options of tanking and dps. (Then again, druids have more role flexibility than we do and aren’t as healing pigeonholed as we are.)

I like the removal of defense. I look forward to including uncritabileness in talents. While stat balancing is a meta game of it’s own, a meta game that I do enjoy, I wouldn’t be sad to have replaced with something… less… time consuming.

I realize that I’m finishing this on a rather uncomfortable note, but the time seems too early to work my dreams and wishes for Cataclysm. I live in the moment and my criticism, suggestions, opinions won’t be ready until I have more information to work with.

Shared Topic: What sort of Boss would you be?

February 20, 2010

This week’s Shared Topic is another of those creative types! Sephrenia from Guild Mum asks, if we were a raid boss, what sort of boss would we be? Check out the thread at Blog Azeroth to see how everyone else answered the topic!

If you are looking for my boss form, you can find her roaming the streets of undead Stratholme, exploring the corners and grieving for all those who have fallen to the Scourge.

As for her appearance, I have to say, I’ve always felt a deep connection with the gigantic women bosses in WoW. Bosses like the Maiden of Virtue in Kara or Maiden of Grief in Halls of Stone. I suppose being the tallest kid in school most of my life has taught me to empathize with other tall ladies.

Except for instead of that silly staffmace thingy, I would totally be smacking the main tank with my Giant Spoon. My emotes would be along the lines of “Do you want the spoon? DO YOU WANT IT????

Me, though, I’m used to working with small children. My summer/part time jobs have always involved teaching or being a camp counselor. See, I happen to love kiddie games. If I were a boss, a big part of my mechanics would involve a favorite game of mine:

Every minute, I call out a number between 2 and 5. Raiders have a few seconds to group up according to that number. For example, if I call out three, they have to get into groups of three. Anyone who isn’t in a group of the correct number would be transformed into a stone figurine and stored on my shelf.

I squeal with glee at the drama that would arise from guilds deciding who will have to be sacrificed first.

Another of my featured mechanics would be my unrequited love of singing. As much as I enjoy singing at the top of my lungs, singing, unfortunately, does not enjoy me. Nor does the raid, as they flee in terror and attack each other every time my boss-self bursts into song.

Since I don’t want to be a one tank fight, I would have a chance on hit to put a “submissive” debuff on the tank every time I wack him. Once the debuff reaches a stack of 5, that player becomes completely submissive and must do my bidding. Think madness on the Yogg fight. To avoid becoming my slave, the tanks must taunt me back and forth.

I guess I should give the raid healers a little something to do as well. I’ll admit, I’d love to have fire summoning skills. Whenever my frustration builds up too much….bang! Half the raid gets hit by my angry fireball of doom! Hey, don’t want those non-pally healers to be bored!

As for loot…

Loot is always touchy. I would drop a Giant Spoon, for sure. In case you were wondering, a Giant Spoon is a 2-hander that’s classified as a mace. Otherwise, I would drop trinket. Wonderful, awesome, lovely trinkets that do nothing but be cool. Along the lines of the Deputy Pa’trolla Badge or the Super Simian Sphere.

Oh, I suppose I could drop a mount and a pet, just so that people would venture to my lair to kill me. I’m thinking of a pretty, flying mount. The style of the gorgeous Ashes of Al’ar comes to mind. As for a pet, I adore the Ammen Vale Lashling, but that already exists… Maybe a slightly more aggressive flower. A carnivorous plant that gobbles down critters. Oh yeah!

So what do you say? Do you have what it takes to defeat the Bossy Pally and her Giant Spoon?

Shared Topic: A Conversation With Your Character

February 10, 2010

(Or in the spirit of Love is in the Blog, this post is also titled “Love Is In My Character”)

Me: So Azryu from The Arcanery proposed this week’s Shared Topic.
Rykga: Never heard of him.
Me: Oh, I have, he writes about mages. He’s just not on our server. Anyway, he wants to see one of our conversations.
Rykga: No, he doesn’t.
Me: True, but he doesn’t know that he doesn’t.
Rykga: You should share the one we had during couples therapy.
Me: That was my initial plan. But after thinking about it I decided the world is better off not knowing about that.
Rykga: Shame. That was good times.
Me: For you maybe. Anyway, you should check out everyone elses’ conversations. The links are in the thread at Blog Azeroth.

So my girl and I have an interesting relationship. And by interesting, I mean deep and fulfilling. She might beg to differ. Oh, heck, I know she would demand to differ. She’s quick /hug her fellow guildies, but she’s a little colder with me. It’s ok, I know we’re BFFs. Just take a look at us on a typical Friday night in Azeroth.

Me: Oh hai, I need some retail therapy, you in?
Rykga: Do I have a choice?
Me: How much do we have?
Rykga: 64 badges.
Me: Wooooooooo.
Rykga: /tar Ophelie
Rykga: /rolleyes

We’re always there for each other, no matter what. We spend long hours talking about our hopes and our dreams, our successes and our failures.

Me: I’m really upset. Why wasn’t I invited to the no pants party?
Rykga: That ability isn’t ready yet.
Me: I’m always excluded from stuff like that. I wasn’t invited to the epic mount party either.
Rykga: It’s too far away.
Me: I feel much better now, thanks for listening to me rant.
Rykga: Not enough room.

Even though we’re super tight, she does get a bit girly on me at times.

Rykga: If you ever quit the game, would you abandon me or leave me at the mercy of a stranger?
Me: That sounds like a trick question.
Rykga: It is.
Me: I appreciate your honesty.
Rygka: At least you appreciate something about me.

I forgive her for it though, I have my girly moments too.

Me: So, say if we hadn’t met in Northshire Abbey and you’d have met another player instead of me. Would you have gone with them instead?
Rykga: I guess so.
Me: So that’s all I am to you? The first person who came along?
Rykga: Um.

Rykga: I guess so.

I’m often asked if we fight. We don’t very often, but there is the occasional disagreement. When that happens, we sit down and talk it out.

Me: Those Beer Basted Boar Ribs look delicious.
Rykga: They are delicious! They’re soooo good. I bet you want some! You want some but you can’t have any! BAAAAM!!!
Me: So unfair.
Rykga: Yep.
Me: Wanna go jump on tables in the beer garden?
Rykga: Sure.

Some people may call our relationship unhealthy, but they clearly don’t get us. Rykga and I, we’re best kind. We don’t need words. Mouse clicks and button mashing is enough for us to communicate. We understand each other, almost as if we were the same person. Because, in a way, we kind of are.

Rykga: Ok, that was fun. Can we go kill stuff now?

Shared Topic: Leave of WoW Absense

February 4, 2010

Eek! I’m doing a Shared Topic and it’s not Friday night/Saturday! What’s wrong with me? I’m never ahead of schedule like that!

So this week, Nim from Ankh = Life suggested the Shared Topic. He (I think it’s a he!) has recently recovered from a month without WoW (we are glad for his recovery and return) and, in true WoW blogger style, began reflecting on what he did with is time away from WoW, then asked what other WoW players do when they’re away from the game.

I recently wrote about how I deal (dealing badly is still dealing!) without the game, but perhaps I could talk a bit about some of the things I like to do when I’m not playing WoW. BECAUSE I DO LIKE TO DO NON WOW THINGS SOMETIMES OKAY!

1- Getting Involved at School

Yes, even when I’m not playing video games, I’m a nerd. What started off as a ploy to keep busy during my four extra years of school and maybe help with my excessive shyness (HAHAHAHA) backfired. I fell in love with my national student association and found myself dedicating increasing amounts of time to it. While I still get nauseous and shakey at the thought of making phone calls, I discovered that I really enjoy the administrative side of running a local chapter of a national association. Among other things, I’ve had the opportunity to plan a Career Fair, to travel around Canada to meet incredible, inspirational people and to be involved in the writing of an official position statement.

I never thought in a million years that I’d enjoy it this much. I have the lingering feeling that once I graduate, I’ll find myself screwing up election speeches for the grown up version of our national student association.

2- Gastronomy

I’ll admit it, I love delicious food, all sorts of delicious food. I read cookbooks before I go to sleep at night. I spend tons of money on groceries and restaurants. Upon making friends with people from other cultures, the first thing I ask them is about their ethnic food and could they share some recipes, please, please, please. When I travel, I judge cities by their restaurants. I’m not big on loud gatherings with lots of people, but food parties and potlucks are the exception.

Typically, when I tell people about my food obsession, I get the following response: “OMG! How can you love food and stay thin?

It’s actually quite simple. Good food is either:
1) Freaking expensive
2) A lot of effort to make
3) All of the above

Considering that I’m both a poor starving student and really busy all the time, calories are never an issue. I live in an area where uncommon ingredients aren’t easy to find either, which is another limit to my indulgence.

3- Traveling

Typical scene in my life:

Guildie X: Guildie Y is coming to visit me this weekend!
Me: OMG! I’m so jealous! I really want to hang out with you guys. Um…would you mind if I come too?
Guildie X: Sure, if you want.

They never believe that I’ll actually do it and get all shocked when I call them from the airport a few days later. I’m the queen of discount plane tickets and last minute plans. Yes, I have financial constraints like everyone else, but I’m pretty good at working a budget and traveling cheap.

I love youth hostels!

I also have a killer sense of direction in real life (unfortunately, this gift does not extend to video games…um…which side is Festergut’s right again?), a more or less photographic memory when it comes to maps (I find myself giving directions to locals all the time) and knack for getting myself (and others) out of trouble. I’m fearless and I get this crazy rush whenever I’m on a trip, so I have quite the extensive repertoire of freaky travel stories.

4- Reading

When I travel, I always keep a book in my purse. I don’t get the chance to read much in my regular life but, since I can’t stand pesky people cramping my style, when I’m on the go, I spend a lot of time on my own. Airports, public transit, meal times, evenings are made much more enjoyable with a trusty pocketbook on hand.

I’m absolutely crazy about Nick Hornby. I’ve even come to refer to various trips by the name of the Hornby book I was reading at the time. Also, High Fidelity is my breakup book. Whenever I’m bummed about a breakup, I pull out my (very used) copy of High Fidelity, tear through it in a few hours and automatically feel better.

A series by a different author that I enjoy as well is the Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey. I have to admit that I wasn’t able to get into her other works (I am dying to get my hands on her Namah series, though!) but her graceful narration in Kushiel is such a treat. Even if the story wasn’t amazing (and it is amazing), the characters not likable (and they are very likable), Kushiel is worth reading for the narration alone.

5- Drinking coffee


Coffee and I have an interesting relationship. For one, I’m most likely allergic to something in most types of coffee. I’ve become good at knowing which coffees will be gentle on my lymph nodes, but I’ve spent many painful days experimenting! I’m also pretty sensitive to caffeine. I get the shakes, the sweats, the palpitations when I drink coffee.

You would think that someone with an anxious personality like me would hate that, but I don’t. I love it! It makes me feel sooo happy, like I’m excited about something. Beyond the physical boost, I love the act of drinking coffee. Coffee drinking is a very social experience and, unlike social experiences like bars or rowdy parties, it encourages conversation and (this is probably just me being weird) creates a feeling of intimacy. I’m not the most social person in the world, but I love discussion.

Furthermore, I do love to mix business and pleasure. Since I associate coffee shops and coffee drinking with happiness, friendship and thinking, I find myself doing most of my work from my favorite shop. And it helps. When I graduate, I’m considering sharing my diploma with Hava Java as this degree is definitely a team effort!

See! I do other things than play Wow!

If you now think I’m even more of a nerd that you suspected, well, you’re probably right. But it’s ok, I’m a happy nerd. I had to pick my five favorite things to do outside the game because I’m so wordy, but no worries, I don’t limit myself to 5 non WoW activities!

To see how others spend their non WoW time, be sure to check out the thread at Blog Azeroth!

Notes:
The gastronomy pictures was taken from http://www.losinj-croatia.com/island-losinj/gastronomie-gastronomy-gastronomija-gastronomia
The youth hostel picture is from my personal collection and was taken in the Hostelling International Hostel in Santa Monica, California.
The Coffee picture was taken from http://fredericpatenaude.com/

Shared Topic: Surviving PvE as a Melee DPS

January 29, 2010

Oh dear, another shared topic that’s out of my reach. Not because I’ve never played a melee DPS- I do go retribution once in a blue moon. It’s rather because every time I wave a two-hander around, my screen immediately looks like this:

Never fear, though, for through these extremely enriching and mind opening experiences, I have learned a thing or two about surviving in the PvE world as a (dead) melee DPS! When your face spends more time on the floor than staring at boss crotches, your beloved teammates begin to trample your dead self with insults and threats. You see the line “You have been removed from the group” more often than you read Chuck Norris, anal and gay bar jokes in trade chat. Your illustrious Guild/Raid/Melee DPS leader pulls you aside and explains that you must either learn to stay alive or leave the guild. Yes, it’s very difficult to survive PvE as a (dead) melee DPS. Fortunately, I know how to do it.

I’m excited to share with you today my take on Skip‘s Shared Topic suggestion. 5 Tips Surviving PvE as a (dead) Melee DPS is what I’ll call it. For more technical, more insightful and clearly less useful takes on the topic, I strongly urge you to check out the thread on Blog Azeroth.

Now down to business:

1- Get a “HEAL!!!!111one!” Macro

Sample of heal macros:

/s Heal!!
/y Heal!!
/g Heal!!
/p Heal!!
/ra Heal!!
/bg Heal!!

You can use one, several or, preferably, all of those lines in your heal macro.

Next, drag your macro down to your bars, or hotkey it, or mousebind it, however you happen to play the game. Just insert this macro into your regular rotation and all will be good. Every healer you encounter will thank you for it! There’s nothing healers appreciate more than being reminded that you exist and require heals.

2- Train Your Mind: Upon Dying, Your First Thought Should Always be “Who Can I Blame?”

This is an extremely important reflex. Your teammates, they are quick to yell at you the second your face hits the floor. They’ll blabber nonsense like “why can’t you get out of the fire?”, “control your aggro!”, “learn to play!” and a few lines that don’t meet the PG-13 rating of this blog. To get you started, here are some examples of people you can blame:

The Healer(s): Obviously they weren’t paying attention to your macro. Or to your health bar. When in doubt, blaming the healer(s) is a safe bet.

The Tank(s): If you suspect you were killed by a mob, then it must mean your tank(s) couldn’t carry aggro in a bucket! Quickly inform them of this. If you group with them again, be sure to call out “bucket check!” before the first (or every) pull.

The Last Person Who Was Targeted by a Boss Ability Before You Died: Another fair bet, the last person getting Legion Flamed or targeted by Orange Goo must not have reacted quickly enough and killed you. It’s important to call this out on vent, using the most accusatory tone you can muster. If your teammates do not believe you, just repeat yourself, speaking louder. They’ll believe you eventually.

The Raid/Party Leader: They didn’t tell you to move or stop attacking! They need to learn to communicate better. Inform them of this.

Blizzard: This fight is fundamentally discriminatory against ret paladins. It was designed for you to die and rack up a repair bill. So what if the other retribution paladin survived? They just got lucky with the RNG. Or they’ve got connections with Blizzard.

Your ISP/Computer: This is the lamest excuse, but when all else fails… There’s not a whole lot they can say when confronted with your enthusiasm for raiding but current difficult financial situation forbidding you from purchasing a new computer or switching to a reasonble ISP. Make sure you never let your guildmates know when you buy a new computer or they’ll suspect something. Lag lag lag lag. How you’ve gotten me out of trouble over and over and over again!

3- Heroics: Kick Them Before They Kick You

If you read blogs at all (and if you’re reading this, obviously you do), you know that kicking is common practice in random heroics. Heck, if you’re a melee DPS who dies often, you’ve likely experienced this firsthand. A lot. Therefore, it’s important to watch that little “dungeon finder” debuff. As soon as it runs out, vote to kick whoever seems like they’d be the most problematic. That mage who does too much DPS. The snarky healer who expects you to eat after a rez. If everyone is silent in the group, vote to kick whoever happens to have the highest gear score. (Note: Gearscore is an absolutely essential addon when it comes to survival as a dead melee DPS.) Gear with the green “heroic” label on them also warrants an insta-kick.

4- Run a Lot of Heroics to Get Your GS Up

As mentioned in my last point, if you’re to survive as a dead melee DPS, you need to get the Gearscore (GS) addon. Then, just chain heroic after heroic. As you accumulate badges, purchase T9, T10 and other gear from the vendors. Don’t worry about spreadsheets or potential DPS or whatever. You’re dead all the time, so who cares about that? You can even buy offspec gear if you feel like it. The point is to get the highest ilvl gear possible.

Once your GS is close to or above 5k, advertise it in trade chat. 5.3k GS pally LF good group daily random! At the beginning of each instance, be sure to point out everyone’s GS, especially if its lower than yours. If anyone criticizes you for dying, point out that you have 5k GS and are clearly amazing.

5- Talk. Constantly. I mean, Constantly.

It has been brought to my attention that chatty rogues are not a phenomenon exclusive to my guild. In fact, they are fairly common. Why? Because, rogues, in their squishy, squishy leather, die all the time and have learned to attract attention elsewhere. Your death will be completely forgotten if the raid is suddenly busy listening to you argue with the rogues over set bonuses. Or criticizing the positioning on the current boss. Or rambling about whether Sunday night is a good time for an alt run. Or sharing who would win if Taylor Swift and Beyoncé got into a jello wrestling match.

And there you go. Armed with this information, you are now fit to survive in the harsh, cruel world of PvE as a (dead) melee DPS! All thank you messages can be directed with donations to my (imaginary) paypal account.


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