/ignore And Why I Don’t Like It…Much

– Jerkface is ignoring you –

What. the.

My face was suddenly sore from e-slap. Why is Jerkface ignoring me? I thought we were pretty good friends. We ran heroics together all the time, played on the same arena team. We’d even gotten smashed and wandered the streets of Toronto until 4 am once, just the two of us. Yes, the real life Toronto! Not Stormwind or Ironforge or Exodar. He did have a bad temper. Maybe we had a disagreement lately? I played the last few in-game days over in my mind. No. No fight.

An accident maybe?

Somehow I doubted it.

FINE, I thought, you ignore me, I’ll ignore you.

Smugly, I put him on my ignore list and went about my business. But I really wanted to know what he was saying. Really wanted to know. Really wanted to-

He must have stayed on my ignore list for grand 15 minutes before I realized that the idea was absolutely stupid.

To this day, I’ve never used the ignore feature since, save for a few beggers in Ironforge who made the list just long enough to get the hint.

I’m not a fan ignoring other players, with the exception of maybe really annoying strangers trying to take my gold or sell me theirs. I know the mentality is “if you can’t put up with someone, just put them on ignore”, but I don’t like that. Whether it’s puggers or guildies, hiding everything someone says doesn’t fix any problems and just makes it more difficult to get the job done.

/ignore in PuGs

Surprise, surprise, players in pugs can be socially inept, jerks, annoying or plain stupid. You’re only in a group with them for a few hours at most, you’ll likely never play with them again, why put up with their idiocies?

Well, you’re only in a group with them for a few hours, you’ll likely never play with the likes of them again, so why not just roll your eyes at their dumb contributions to chat?

Despite all the stupidity floating in the air, I still like to know what’s going on when I’m pugging. When I’m playing with strangers, I imagine the worst case scenario and in the worst case scenario, I’m going to have to cover for everyone elses mishaps. So the more information I have, the better.

And if that information is mainly “anal [random name]” or “ur mom”, then so be it.

/ignore in guilds

You don’t like someone’s sense of humour, you don’t like their attitude. Just /ignore them. Easy, right?

Not really.

I’m sure it’s great for a short term fix. Just hide what they say and you won’t have to worry about it ever again. But can you go on, day after day, week after week, raid after raid just not knowing what they’re saying?

Not being able to see their chatter might relieve some stress at first, but even if you can’t see it, they’re still talking. Their attitude is still infiltrating your bubble. They’re still there. (You know, in ur raid, offending ur person.) And not only are they there, but they’re your healers, your tanks, your healees, your teammates. Despite the (what you consider) crap they might spew out, in a raid setting, they might just say something useful to the success of the raid.

And that’s without counting the inevitable tension that slowly builds between yourself and your ignoree. Every time you play you remind yourself that you’re ignoring them because you can’t stand them and they remind themselves (because, yes, they will figure out soon enough they’re being ignored) that you’re ignoring them because you can’t stand them. In a world of thick skinned internet beasts, it may take awhile for tension to build, but it will built and it will explode. Then there’ll be ooze and blood and we’ll have to clean up and no one likes cleaning up.

You’re never going to like everyone

I’m often accused of being too nice and of liking everyone.

It’s not that I like everyone. Nor does everyone like me (as the story at the beginning of this post has proven to us!). I have my own personality and morals and they do clash with others at time. It might come as a surprise to some that, while I left my old guild of two years because I didn’t care for the playstyle and leadership structure anymore, it was an exploded personality conflict that burned my bridges and kept me from looking back. It’s not that either of us were terrible people, we were just terribly incompatible people. So, yes, no one likes everyone all the time and that’s completely ok.

How to put up with annoyances?

1- Pick your battles carefully. You won’t win them all, and those you lose will be like fuel on a fire. (Tell a bunch of boys they’re not allowed to say the word “rape” and the only word you’ll hear from them for the next 3 weeks will be “rape”) Unless someone is really crossing a line, it’s best to just tune them out without physically ignoring them. Also, the less often you put people in their place, the more impact you’ll have when you do.

2- Remember that human beings aren’t 2 dimensional. With some individuals, it can be really hard to remind yourself of their redeeming features, but for the team (and your sanity)’s sake, you have to. Many WoW players are very socially inept, but behind the strange facades they put up, you’ll usually find intelligent, helpful, passionate people who appreciate any kind of attention you give them. Also, what looks like nastyness to some can actually be a sign of people comfortable enough with each other to tease

3- Master the art of subtlety changing the subject. WoW players are passionate folk. If they stray onto a topic you don’t like, bring up class changes, patch notes or whatever else they feel strongly about. Problem solved. When all else fails, the line “now, now, that’s not very nice” has the double effect of causing laughter and ending the current conversation. (I have to give credit to my GM for that one, I stole that line from him and tried it a few times, works like a charm.)

4- If it can’t be fixed, it might be time to move on. I’m guilty of getting attached to guildies and convincing them to stay despite elements of our guild culture making them absolutely miserable. What I’ve realized lately is that by doing this, I was just causing everyone tons of stress. Some personality conflicts can’t be resolved. When it gets to the point where you just can’t allow yourself to see what a person is typing, then it’s time to find a more fitting home. There are a lot of former guildies that I miss with all my heart, but I much prefer to hear them speak excitedly about their new teammates than comfort them as they complain about my teammates.

At the end of the day

At the end of the day, the ignore feature is great for getting rid of gold sellers, gold beggers and that annoying level 2 guy in Exodar asking how to get to Stormwind. It’s not so great for stretching out an unresolvable personality conflict or masking a too-big guild culture shock.

At the end of the day, we play this game for enjoyment, whether that enjoyment comes from downing bosses in the most efficient way possible or from socializing with people from across the continent or a mixture of column A and column B. If you have to entirely block out an individual, you’re doing neither of the above. Go, go and be with people you don’t have to block out.

Just sent me an email once in awhile, because, you know, I kinda get attached to people.

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31 Comments on “/ignore And Why I Don’t Like It…Much”

  1. Apple Says:

    I don’t like putting people on ignore, either, but there are two types of people (other than gold sellers/beggers) who can pretty much be guaranteed a spot on my /ignore list – and keep in mind, these are just random people, not guildies.

    1) If you’re making rape jokes, or racist or sexist or homophobic jokes or remarks, and I, being uncomfortable with that, ask you not to, and you just lol and continue to do it, I will put you on ignore. This is mostly for my own sanity – I am very uncomfortable with stuff like that, and being an insensitive ass about things that are potentially VERY personally painful to me is not cool.

    2) If you are a complete jackass in a random PUG, for no good reason. Generally, this type of person is insulting everyone AND fits in category 1. I put them on ignore so that I can rest easy in the knowledge that I won’t be randomly paired with them again.

    Other than that, I think there are plenty of ways to deal with personality conflicts OTHER than /ignore.

    • Ophelie Says:

      I wonder if it qualifies me as a some sort of sicko, but I kinda enjoy the really nasty nasty jerks in pugs. I especially like letting them die in fires, but shhhhh I’m not supposed to admit that.

      I usually tune out random people deliberately being offensive, because they’re obviously just fishing for a reaction, but yeah, I think they would certainly fall under the category of annoying strangers.

      • Jen Says:

        I think we’re the same type of sicko. I always wait until the end of the dungeon to ignore, because I loooove the nerd rage, especially when I let them die.

  2. Hempia Says:

    Eh… When I had put a guildie on ignore then the GM makes them a raid leader and I had to un-ignore them I should have taken the hint and moved on then. Especially when the GM takes their word over mine that I made some smartass comment deserving a smartass GTFO comment back.

    Since when is asking for help smartass?

    Anyways… Life goes on and some people cannot be happy with themselves unless they are putting down others. I don’t want to play with those types of people and /ignore keeps them out of my 5man PuGs, so it can prove useful in certain cases.

    Only when their opinion of me had weight before the /ignore decision does it make me wonder what they’re saying. I guess everyone handles things differently and the world would sure be boring if they all handled things the same.

    • Ophelie Says:

      I think this was a case of personality differences, kind of like the one that kept me from looking back when I left my old guild. I miss you like crazy but you do seem much happier now. Plus, thanks to Asros, I can totally hang out with you on Eloise!

  3. Hempia Says:

    Oops… Not raid leader, I meant officer. Almost the same thing.

  4. Windsoar Says:

    I ignore plenty of players I pug with–at the end of the pug–so that I no longer have to get grouped with them ever, ever again 🙂 Other than that, I have a separate tab for general/trade chat, so I only subject myself to the “conversation” that happens there when I’m willing to stomach it.

    I’ve had plenty of guild members on mute over the years, however, having found that annoying chatter is one of the greatest annoyances of my life. If I really have that big of a problem with text in guild chat, I report it, and if I’m not satisfied with the outcome, I consider whether I’m in the right guild for me.

    • Ophelie Says:

      Haha, as much as I’m against mute, I’ve come pretty close a few times for those who talk waaaay too much. But I get very involved in strat discussion during raids so it’s not a good idea for me to mute people.

      I know of a few people who use ignore to know who not to group with. I’d lump it in the same category as annoying strangers and gold sellers. I either don’t pug enough or have too high a tolerance level to stupidity to really care who not to group with.

      I did have trade and general turned off on my old server, but I’ve gotten so good at tuning it out that I don’t even notice it anymore. And Nerzhul’s such a fun server, there’s always old world pugs and stuff going on, I don’t want to miss anything.

  5. Rhii Says:

    When I was running a guild, there were two people in my guild who were like oil and water. One guy was the guy that is offensive but “it’s just a joke lol” and the other lady had six children and was very old fashioned about language (she once got after me for saying “pissed off”). They HATED each other. We got after the offensive guy when he crossed the official guild rule line (racist, sexist, etc) but not when he was just calling people noobs or saying shut up.

    Eventually they mutually ignored each other and harmony was restored. But it would have been a whole lot easier if BOTH had been open minded. Rogue doesn’t need to say whatever he wants to whenever he wants to, and Tree can disapprove of people saying “shut up” but she can’t always be trying to wash the world’s mouth out with soap.

    I myself personally only ignore people if I never want to be grouped with them again. I didn’t do this originally because I figured I’d never see them again anyway, but then I started getting repeats! So now it’s off to the ignore list!

    • Ophelie Says:

      It’s pretty good that the, um, differences of opinions, were contained between two people. Too often it happens that everyone wants to get involved and pick sides and it turns into a giant fiasco.

  6. Kaboomski Says:

    I too put people on ignore when they misbehave beyond what I can handle. Especially when randomly grouped with them, as ignoring provides an easy way to ensure never to be grouped with them again. I don’t usually ignore people from the same realm as me though, as I might come across them more often.

    When I do get in a raid with people I have on my ignore list, I usually just unignore them and see how it goes. If they don’t behave like an asshat anymore, they stay off my list from that point on. If they do behave badly and not get kicked from the raid for it, I’ll reconsider my position in that particular raid.

    I’ve only once had a guildie on ignore. Only a few hours later he was kicked from the guild for terrible misbehavior. But besides that single incident, I’ve never had problems with guildies! I figure if you do have problems with multiple people in the guild, you should think about finding a new one or maybe even walk around guildless if you don’t mind it.

  7. Analogue Says:

    I stick people on ignore if they’re morons I run across in LFD. I figure if the healers and tanks would /ignore the most annoying dps they run with, their queues would get even longer and the nice fun dps will have shorter queues.

    I’ve also /ignored tanks I never, ever want to heal again.

    And I /ignored one total idiot awful awful tank on my server that kept trying to get invites to my pugs. I doubt he’ll understand why since he couldn’t understand what “stack on the other tank” meant.

  8. Codi Says:

    Ophelie, I gotta say something about your point #1 there: If you bring up that the word “rape” makes you feel uncomfortable to your guilds and they continue to use it or escalate the usage and your -GM does nothing- then that is a huge problem. No GM should allow that sort of behavior to continue. Period. The onus is completely on the people using racist/homophobic/sexist language to stop and anyone who is forgiving of such usage is adding to the problem by silently condoning it.

    …such a serious reply from me, hot damn, but it’s a hot button. If anyone uses the word “gay” or “fag” around me and does not apologize and stop using it, it is /report all the way.

    • Ophelie Says:

      While I don’t approve of that kind of language either (even normal swearing gets on my nerves some days), arguing over words aren’t battles worth fighting. A guild’s culture either allows that kind of behaviour or it doesn’t. It’s much less energy and drama to just join a guild that imposes a certain level of, um, class to their chat than to try to change a guild who doesn’t.

      EDIT: I do get a little pissy to new recruits acting like immature children since recruits are supposed to be impressing us, but in most situations, unless someone acts nasty, I don’t see the point in stirring hard feelings in an otherwise decent person who happens to have a dirty mouth. I did have a guildy once who went on a crusade to purify our guild and all it did was cause a lot of frustration and ruin her enjoyment of the game. I liked her a lot and tried to encourage her, but in retrospect, I would have been a better friend had I pointed her towards a guild closer to her expectations.

      • Codi Says:

        My issue with the idea of “it’s just words” is really that… that’s all interaction -is- on WoW. The only way we are able to interact with each other is through words, so labeling it as something unimportant is disingenuous. Our words can make people laugh, make them cry and make them angry. Words absolutely have a real effect on the world. People have died -and- killed over words. If arguing about something that has real potential to negatively effect someone isn’t a “battle worth fighting,” then I don’t know what to say to that.

        • Ophelie Says:

          Ok, maybe not “words” but semantics.

          I think if a particular word genuinely bothers someone, there’s a way to ask others to kindly refrain from putting salt in a wound, but if it’s principles, better to find a guild with similar principles instead of taking on the uphill challenge of changing an entire guild culture.

          • Codi Says:

            I’m like Captain Eo, I’m out to change the world! …of Warcraft. 😛 And nothing’s going to change if people sit on their hands and don’t speak up about how using the word “gay” isn’t cool.

  9. KimboSlice Says:

    Omg if you dont like me Ill just die!

  10. Sven Says:

    I must confess that I’m a rampant /ignore-er. I’ve never used it on guildies, but then I’ve never felt the need to on an RP-realm.

    I do, however, have a massive list of abusive-puggers that I never wish to see again and I wish others would do the same, too. It’s all very well to ignore their antics without the / part, but that leads to abusive behaviour having no consequences. I *want* to see offensive people excluded from the game because they can’t find a group. If there were an eBay style rating system, I’d be even happier.

    • Ophelie Says:

      Hahaha, after gearscore, socialscore.

      I wonder if I’ve just become completely desensitized to nastiness. I’m really good at tuning it out. I guess I just see it as jerkface people are everywhere and I might as well accept it or be miserable forever.

      Also, when I see really mean people, all I can picture in my head is some scared little kid crying inside.

  11. adgamorix Says:

    I realized I was in a bad PUG the other day when my Grid only showed 18 names in a full raid. The GridIgnore addon automatically removes anyone you have on your ignore list – so you don’t accidently heal them 🙂

  12. Brangwen Says:

    I never have anyone on ignore. Ever. You never know when that person is going to say something useful.

    Actually, I lie. I put an entire guild on ignore once. In a PuG Sarth10 3D, when I kept dying due to people not doing their job and picking up mobs, and me being well over geared and pulling aggro due to stupidly high DPS as ret. I got kicked and the entire 10man team (mostly from the same guild) were telling me how awful I was. After explaining to the hunters what MD was, I linked my drake to them, and told them to come talk to me when they had one, and put them on ignore.

    First and only time I put people on ignore, and it was an entire 10man guild LOL! I then poached their star DPS for my guild just to rub salt into the wound (the only guy who was nice to me, and apologised for his guild’s behaviour). I think that was justice served 😀

  13. Will Says:

    I’m generally a pretty good guy, but sometimes I wonder how many Ignore lists I’ve ended up on myself. I can be a hardass when I have to, and I know for a fact that I’m on at least one. (Long story.)

    As for putting people on MY list, I think I’ve been pretty lucky. Most of the people that I’ve ignored were those gold spammers that send whispers to you out of the blue with their sales pitches. (They’re getting more elaborate, too.) It’s probably pointless, but I like that momentary thrill when I click “Ignore”.

    There have been a few people whom I’ve met in PuGs that I’ve put on Ignore. I’m generally tolerant of off-color humor as long as it’s delivered with good intentions, but if someone is malicious or down-putting in their “critique”, then it crosses that line for me.

    Thankfully I’ve never had to put Guildies on Ignore, nor have I had to do it for anyone with whom I had been required to have regular interactions with.

    • Ophelie Says:

      It’s hard to imagine you being a hardass!

      I don’t really put gold sellers on ignore since they’ve usually moved on to someone else after I say no, but I do report them, which I believe does some sort of temporary ignore to them.

      • Will Says:

        Yeah, I can be a real dick if the situation calls for it. Most likely when I see someone being disrespectful to one of my friends. I can take people people assholes to me, but I’m fiercely protective of the people that I care about, and I won’t tolerate it when malice is directed at them.

        And Ignoring gold sellers, like I said, is mostly a temporary thrill based on the moment. Most of the time the characters are deleted; and thus removed from my Ignore list, a day or two after the incident. But I like the “So THERE!” of Ignoring them. And yes, I always do report them first.

  14. Aoyanagi Says:

    I put guildies on ignore, and I don’t feel bad about it. Rape jokes, idiotic macro spamming, nastygrams, these are all types of behavior I would not for one second tolerate from my 3 year twins. Since I can’t put these supposedly grown ass people in time-out I’m just going to remove their stupidity from my little WoW-verse. I spend all day with my own little kids, and I don’t pay good money to spend my evenings babysitting adults or even just observing their antics.

    And if it means they can’t whisper me in a raid to know when to use that Brez, get a mic or learn to look at your own damn timer bars, Viso. =P

    • Ophelie Says:

      Why not just join a guild where that kind of behaviour isn’t accepted? I wouldn’t last a second in a guild where I can’t stand to see what everyone says.

      Also, raid communication is far more than asking for Brezes (which should be solely the task of the raid or role/class leader anyway). It’s discussing strategy, adjusting assignments or positions after a wipe, reporting observations. If you can’t see all that discussion, you’re not acting as part of the team.

    • Aoyanagi Says:

      Ah, guess that was poorly phrased. In recent memory and current guild I’ve had precisely one person on ignore, that being the Viso mentioned above. Not a bad person, just prone to spamming silly macros in /g. Such macros have had a bad habit of pushing off the screen whisper conversations I’m trying to have with friends who may only log in once every 3 months for a chit-chat. I despise WIM, have issues with the muscles used in eye focusing and refuse to split my chat.

      In previous guilds it was much, much worse and I did in fact move on to greener pastures ASAP.

      In the situation I mentioned above it was a LK25 attempt. Viso had eaten something bad on the first transition phase, if I recall he’d gotten in front of the Raging Spirit. Brez was called for but the platform crumble was mere seconds away. I saw this and called in vent that I was waiting for a few seconds to brez, and to take it as soon it came up. I crossed over as soon as Remorseless Winter was gone and immediately popped brez. This is when Viso apparently tried to whisper me asking if I’d brezzed him into thin air. After I’d JUST called it on vent that I hadn’t. To be honest I’d forgotten about putting him on ignore the night before for his macro spammage and removed him once it was brought to my attention. Please don’t assume that because I have no tolerance/patience for childishness due to exhausting it with my own children that I’m not a team player. I adjust my own play and help evolve guild strategies to maximize our effectiveness even with less than ideal comps. But using /ignore as as short-term solution when someone else’s fun causes me irritation is still a better solution than a rage/emo gquit just because I’m cantankerous and short-tempered at times (see exhausting patience with one’s own children, above.)

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