Since I Guess the Word is Out Anyway
How I imagined leaving my guild:
Me: OMG I’M SO MAD QQ I’M LEAVING I’M PISSED OFF I HATE EVERYONE!!!!OMG I’M SO MAD QQ I’M LEAVING I’M PISSED OFF I HATE EVERYONE!!!!OMG I’M SO MAD QQ I’M LEAVING I’M PISSED OFF I HATE EVERYONE!!!!OMG I’M SO MAD QQ I’M LEAVING I’M PISSED OFF I HATE EVERYONE!!!!OMG I’M SO MAD QQ I’M LEAVING I’M PISSED OFF I HATE EVERYONE!!!!OMG I’M SO MAD QQ I’M LEAVING I’M PISSED OFF I HATE EVERYONE!!!!OMG I’M SO MAD QQ I’M LEAVING I’M PISSED OFF I HATE EVERYONE!!!!OMG I’M SO MAD QQ I’M LEAVING I’M PISSED OFF I HATE EVERYONE!!!!
GM: *files restraining order*
How it actually happened:
Me: Hey, I’m gquitting.
How I imagined the aftermath:
Me: I’m relieved! No wait, I’m sad! Did I make the right decision? I’m scared! Does everyone hate me? Am I ever going to find another guild? Oh noes! I’m still really mad! I don’t know what to do!
Everyone else: STFU and get lost, we hate you.
What the aftermath was really like:
Me: I sure feel like playing Civ V right now.
Everyone else: Hey, if you need some referrals, I have some friends in guilds that are looking for a healer.
Me: Cool, thanks.
It was quite possibly the smoothest gquit in the history of gquits. I mean, other than back 5 years ago when I played once every two weeks and frequently found myelf invited to random guilds that died by the next time I logged in. Dead guild gquits usually go over pretty well.
I’d been toying with the idea for awhile, as I went about my day making grocery lists of things I was unsatisfied with and incidents I couldn’t get over. The harder I tried to make it better, the worse it got. Then one night, as I groggily and nauseously waiting for my 10:30 pm raid invite that, as usual, was late going out, it suddenly dawned on me: “Why the hell am I doing this to myself?”
Technically I’m still on standby until Monday, but they’re pretty full on healers and they’re kind of uneasy about calling me in the middle of the night to raid, so I’m not expecting to be dragged out of bed.
It is…very….um…well it just is. I was really happy in Conquest for a really long time, but I was very angry over a few incidents for about a month. I think the bitter taste in my mouth helped me accept that, in life, people come and go. I don’t even miss the good times. I’m glad that I had them. Some of my favorite nights have been on Vent/Mumble, sipping on wine and laughing with guildies. But something in me changed. Even when I see my ex-guildies mentioning drunken Mumble nights on Twitter, I’m not sad or envious. I know that now, if I were there, with them, I wouldn’t be having any fun.
I have hard feelings over some stuff that happened. Mostly in the mornings. That’s just how I am, I’ve had a chronic case of pissed-off-in-the-mornings-itis since birth. But I’m also grateful. My guildies promptly recommended me to different guilds, and recommended their friends’ guilds to me. My buddy Equis (WHO NEEDS TO UPDATE HIS BLOG), especially, has been great in proving me to me that I don’t need to be logged to WoW every hour of the night to be in touch with friends I met in WoW. In spite of all the frustrations lately, I still feel like I left on a high note.
But mostly I’m just thrilled to have time to myself. It’s such a weird feeling. I have time for me. For me. Me.
Like, I can come home, and do anything I want.
Since I’ve always been a student, my schedule has always consisted of: schoolwork until 9:30pm, then raid (before raiding it was TV or bed), 7 days a week. Now I play other games (Civ V is trying to kill me!), I cook, I read. I even went to the movies. WITH A BOY. A cute one. I’m moving at the end of the semester so nothing is going to come of it, but it’s still nice to feel like a human being for a short moment in time.