This Is Me, Making Fun of People Who Gank Me
I know it’s somewhat unconventional, but I don’t really mind being ganked. I don’t kill others (partly because my ego would never recover from the embarrassment of loosing), but, yeah, if someone kills me, I’m sort of annoyed, but, you know, it’s part of playing on a PvP server.
When I die, I run back. If I’m getting corpse camped, I entertain my opponent with my awe-inspiring alt-tabbing out madskillz. (I guarantee you they get fed up before I do.) I don’t sweat the small stuff.
But know what I learned pretty fast?
Most gankers are stupid. Like really stupid. Like really, really stupid. I suppose that picking on weaker than thou typically is compensation for a lack of strength upstairs, but I never cease to be amazed at exactly how lacking upstairs some these people are.
So for your educational pleasure, I will teach three lessons I learned from being ganked, as well as some pointers for gankers looking to become less mock-worthy.
A note for you picky semantics folks (picky semantics folks like me), I realize that the word “gank” has a broad spectrum of meanings. It can mean grouping up to kill someone, it can mean killing someone who doesn’t stand a chance (like a lowbie), it can even mean corpse camping. (Sources include Urban Dictionary, Wowwiki and Wiktionary) We’ll say it means attacking someone when you have the unfair advantage. And since I’m a poor pathetic, pvp naive little holy pally, we’ll say than any attempts to kill me will be called “ganking”.
1- The Stranglethorn Rogue
When I do Archeology in the low level zones, I like the Holy Radiance run bonus of the Holy Spec. I rarely get attacked, so self-defense isn’t a concern.
One day in Stranglethorn, I was a bit startled to see flashes around me. Going by the debuffs on my frames, it looked like one of those rogues who move like wasps.
Sigh. I Holy Shocked myself and thought about what to do. He didn’t seem to be damaging me much, but my holy spec is very much for healing. It takes me a year to kill a level 82 mob, there’s nothing I can do to decked out level 85 rogue.
I healed myself again and figured I might as well fight back a little bit. As I went to judge him, he vanished.
I looked around for him. I mean, by then my heart was pounding. I was ready to go down with a fight. But no, nowhere.
It occurred to me afterward that while I’d never kill him, I’d obliterate his nerves with my healing loooong before I run out of mana. Stupid rogue.
What I learned: Even if I can’t do damage in world PvP, I’m still far more annoying than any rogue.
Ganking 101: Check the mana bar before you leap.
2- The Feralas Druid
I don’t get attacked often during Archeology, but it does happen. This apparition out of nowhere was a Druid. He took me by surprise. I was in Prot spec this time. A spec for digging in Uldum that I hadn’t really played yet. I couldn’t heal my way to giving him a nervous breakdown so I would have to either let him kill me or fight back the old fashioned way.
His critty kitty was doing quite a bit of damage to me. My tanking spec was a nice copy of something I’d borrowed from Rhidach, but unfortunately blogs don’t offer a gear borrowing service.
I forced myself to remember how to PvP. The #1 Rule of PvP? Be as annoying as you can. Seal of Justice is pretty annoying. I put that up. Kitties do physical damage. Devotion Aura is annoying to physical damage dealers. Stuns are annoying. Especially stuns while standing in crap. I smacked him with Hammer of Justice and dropped a Consecration under his feet.
It occurred to me that I might be able to go down with a fight. I reset the match with a Lay on Hands and flexed my brain about how to play Prot. My heart was pounding and the blood was starting to get in the way of my thinking. Pounding… If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s keybindings. I was shaking too bad to hit the buttons, but if I formed a fist with my hand…
It was facerolling (well, fistrolling) at it’s finest. Even switching to bear form couldn’t save this guy from my fancy keyboard work.
I looked at his corpse in shock. I’d never killed a max level character on my own before. Keybindings or not, PvP dps isn’t my forte. This guy clearly had no idea what he was doing. Why, then, did he try to kill me? What an idiot.
What I learned: When you have good keybindings, you don’t need to know which button to push. Just make a fist and pound, pound, pound.
Ganking 101: Even if your gankee is a total n00b, you still need to have some basic knowledge of how to play to kill them.
3- The Felwood Paladin
Archeology again. I swear I don’t get attacked often! It’s just that the few times I run into pests, I happen to digging up crap.
I don’t mind being ganked, but, man, he made me loose some Night Elf fragments. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW PRECIOUS NIGHT ElF FRAGMENTS ARE? DO YOU??????
As I was running back, I peaked at my combat log. His name was “Jizzin.”
I did a double check. Jizzin? As in ejaculate? Oh. Emm. Gee. Most blatant TOS violation EVAIRE.
Two can play at this being a pest game, oh yes. Two hours later, a Blizzard GM answered my ticket saying that “they take name complaints very seriously” and that “measures have been taken”.
What I learned: Payback doesn’t always require power.
Ganking 101: Don’t make revenge so damn easy!
I’m Just a PvE Girl Livin’ in a PvP World
In my time on PvP servers, I’ve learned that:
1) Ganking doesn’t happen as often as you’d think. Most people just ignore each other, especially during Archaeology.
2) Those who practice Ganking usually aren’t part of Azeroth’s intellectual elite.
But hopefully this little bit of snarky wisdom has contributed to educate gankers everywhere, allowing their ganking experience to be more fulfilling. Remember, though, that while I don’t make fun of people often, anyone with ganker status is fair game to eternal mockery.