Posted tagged ‘complaining about school’

Burnout is teh suXor

April 6, 2010

I know I’m behind on answering comments and emails. I know I haven’t done the Shared Topic writeup this week. No one’s complained yet, but it’s frustrating me. I want to do get stuff done. I’m supposed to be an efficient person, dammit. I want to get stuff done but the moment I try, I get this overwhelming nausea. I managed to get back on schedule with school stuff. It took all my self discipline but I managed. Anything “optional” just completely destroys me.

I hate using my blog to whine, it’s the exact thing I promised myself I wouldn’t do, but the last two weeks or so, I’ve felt nothing but frustration and guilt when I try to blog. I guess it has to come out somehow.

I keep seeing holy pally misinformation floating by on Twitter and I’m all “OMG YAY BLOG TOPIC!” and go to write. Then I throw up and then I start crying out of frustration.

Things, be they in real life, on the internetz, in game, that wouldn’t usually bother me upset me like crazy. And now I’m wondering if this is the real me and my happy, goofy self was all an act. Maybe I’m actually a psycho woman and my personality is just coming out.

God I hate burnout.

Know what else I hate? Not being able to eat much. I miss food so badly. I have this gorgeous Easter basket I won. It’s full of chocolate. Chocolate that I usually love but that makes me throw up these days. Every now and again I get this little hint of hunger. I excitedly run to the kitchen and manage to get two spoonfuls of oatmeal or yogurt or applesauce in before the nausea comes rushing back.

Oh and this new fainting thing is pretty detestable as well. My cat is great about it though. When he saw me sprawled out in the kitchen at 5 am this morning, he was all “FLOOR PARTY!!!” and chilled with me on ground until I could drag myself back to bed.

This. semester. cannot. end. soon. enough.

But it’s not all bad these days. I’m getting ready to move out West for my summer clinical rotation, which should be pretty nice. I’m getting second thoughts now: Am I going to find an affordable place to live? Is my internship going to work out? Will I run out of money? Yet for the most part, I’m excited. It’s been awhile since I’ve taken off with my backpack on a semi-spontaneous adventure and the wanderlust itch is killing me.

Here are some pictures of the town I’m moving to:

Doesn’t it look amazing?

Anyway, I expect to get my sanity back within the next two weeks. Hopefully I’ll still have a few readers that haven’t been scared away by my whining. Between now and then, if you’ve sent an email or left a comment I haven’t answered, I’m not ignoring them. I really appreciate you all, but I’m not quite myself these days. Or maybe I’m too much myself. Or whatever.

Sorry guys, I gotta go, I have a raid in about 30 minutes

November 30, 2009

The race to finals debuff doesn’t just eat your brain and your soul, it lowers your sleeping skill by 60%. So instead of wasting my time by telling myself stories in the dark, I’m going to waste my time by writing a blog post in the dark. (On the bright side, I’m almost done immunology and did 2 tough chapters in therapeutics. I’m on a rooooooooll.)

So the other night, I was attending this recruitment casino fun night thingy for school. I try to get out of “social chores” as much as possible, but being a poor, starving college student, free food means I’ll show up. Free drinks are a bonus. I was even enjoying myself, winning at pretend Blackjack because our (kinda hot but happily married) dealer was cheating in our favor. It started getting late though, so I excused myself.

Me: Sorry guys, I gotta go, I have a raid in about 30 minutes.
Female classmate: Did you say you have to raid in 30 minutes?
Me: Mmhmm
Female classmate: What?
Male classmate who often plays WoW with me: She plays World of Warcraft and she has to run ToC tonight. Someone’s gotta heal it.
Kinda hot but happily married dealer: Oh, one day she’ll be one of those really attractive women who write game reviews.

I found that absolutely hilarious. The free wine probably had something to do with it, but I’m sure I would have found that insanely funny under worse circumstances. The image of Veronica Belmont (who, by the way, looks nothing like me) flashed in my head and I laughed even harder. It took me a few moments to compose myself, then I fled the scene.

I’ve mentioned before, a long time ago (which means 3 months), that playing WoW is like picking your nose and you should never publicly admit to doing it. Yet, I’m becoming more and more open about my WoW playing. I think blogging has something to do with it: I never realized how much fun it was and now I want to talk about it all the time. I spend a lot of my time in coffee shops (which I’ve always done anyway since I have nowhere else to study), surrounded by other caffeine addicts who have wordpress open. Sometimes they look over my shoulder and talk to me.

Them: Oh, are you using wordpress?
Me: As a matter of fact I am.
Them: What a coincidence! So am I!
*awkward silence as they smile at me*
Me: So, um, what do you write about?
Them: *insert very intelligent words that are beyond my meager grasp here*
Me: That must be really interesting!
Them: What are you writing about?
Me: Video games.
Them: Oh cool. I played guitar hero once at a party.
*We resume our silent tasks*

And thats the usual reaction I get when I say I play WoW. “Oh, cool” Not, “OMG you must a weird crazy freak with no life!”, no “OMG you pollute our green air with your lowly hobbies!” Just “oh, cool.” Really, no one cares.

Well, except my parents. They care but they’re getting better. I wasn’t impressed when I discovered they were telling family friends that I did nothing but play WoW all the time. I wasn’t impressed because that happened was while I was trying to get in pharmacy school and did nothing but study all the time. At least wait until I’m indulging in my bad habits before you accuse me of doing so, tyvm. I haven’t gotten any hassle for well over a year now, though, which is nice.

Even my being a girl rarely causes much commotion. Other girls usually give me “oh, cool” followed by “have you seen the new Twilight movie?” When I say no (I hate movies, sitting still for 2 hours is torture and I refuse to pay 10$ to be tortured), we run out of things to talk about and the conversation kind of dies. While I used to have tons of female gamer friends back in high school, they seem to be hard to come by now… A few female friends of mine watch The Guild, but that’s about it. It gets lonely. WTB IRL BFF who also plays Warcraft.

Guys who game also give me the “oh, cool”, but they add a “!” at the end. Yet, generally, after comparing our classes and roles, the conversation moves on to other games and music and whatnot.

It just seems so…anti-climactic. Here I am, revealing a naughty, naughty secret and I can rarely get a good story to tell from it. What a waste of a dirty secret.

I know there’s still a lot of gaming misunderstanding. You see magazine articles warning you to not reveal playing WoW during a job interview. Every now and again, you’ll hear sad stories proving that gaming will cause you to flunk out of school and/or destroy your relationships.

But in every day life, I find that it’s rarely as big a deal as I expect it to be. Oh, maybe the people around me think horrible things of me because I’m open about my WoW hobby. If that’s the case, they hide it very well.

It’s almost disappointing.