Posted tagged ‘presents’

Love Is In Proper Gift Etiquette Part 2

February 13, 2010

When I started writing a post on in-game gift giving/receiving, I didn’t expect for it to be this long. Obviously, this is part 2. To see a proper introduction, please refer to part 1. Otherwise, do keep reading!

Let’s talk about receiving

The idea for this post was actually sparked by a comment by Jel on my series on the Treatment of Women in WoW.

One thing that I wanted to bring up was something that a commenter alluded to and I wonder how other women handle it. How do you deal with guys giving you gifts in wow. Flowers are a nice sweet offering, but I have had guildies give excessive gifts to me. Like top of the line crafted gear that I know took quite a bit of effort to create. I try and politely refuse and or try and get them the equivalent in some fashion but it isn’t always feasible. I would love another’s perspective on it.

There are a lot of ways we could look at these kinds of situations, but what it all comes down to is this: if you feel comfortable accepting, then accept, if you only feel comfortable accepting in exchange for something else, then do an exchange, if you’re not comfortable accepting, then don’t accept.

While a giver’s intentions probably influence how you feel about receiving something from them, in the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter. If you don’t mind having stuff handed to you, then by all means, enjoy it! If acquiring your gear or achievement items are part of what makes the game fun, then declining the gift (or at least, thanking the person while ensuring that they’ll never do it again) is a wiser course of action.

A Bossy Pally perspective

In case someone was wondering how I, personally, react to gifts in game, they’re in luck! (I didn’t think anyone was, but you never know. People wonder about strange things.)

Unless I suspect that someone is feeling desperate (note, it doesn’t happen often!), I don’t really associate receiving practical gifts with being a woman. As was pointed out to me in my Women in WoW posts, I might just be very dense, but whatever. I see the guys help each other out all the time and I don’t see it being any different when they help me out.

Yes, I know that when I’m on a lowbie and a stranger gives me food/drink or green gear, then it’s probably because I’m playing a female character. No, it doesn’t bother me. Yes, I find it weird. No, I’m not going to turn it down. It’s food/drink and a bunch of greens. Not a big deal.

Back to friends helping me out, sometimes I appreciate it, sometimes I would rather do things on my own. When I’m in a “do-it-myself” mode, I just won’t let anyone know what I’m doing so they won’t know. The times where I do accept a gift, I’ll make a mental note to be more generous the next time they need help with something.

I don’t see gifts for events like birthdays or Christmas to be problematic. Unless, as mentioned earlier, there’s a desperate undertone. After all, I’m a huge sucker for holidays and I love to give out presents, so I’m not shocked when others return the favor. They might regret it, though, because I get all “YAY A BESTEST BEST FRIEND!!” and follow them around everywhere. I’m told people don’t like it when I do that.

But yeah, I’ve saved every single flower I’ve ever received in the game. The more personal ones, I keep in my bags at all time like the sentimental sap that I am.

So what about that desperate undertone?

Thankfully, it doesn’t happen often that someone is after more than casual in-game friendship. But for whatever strange reason I can’t begin to fathom, it has happened once or twice over the years. And if it has happened to me, it must happen to players more graceful and eloquent than I as well. It’s important to keep boundaries, to be polite but straightforward. Not everyone in WoW has wonderful social skills so being very direct is often the only way to be understood.

Final Words on In-Game Gifts

WoW is a social game and, just like in real life, gifts play an important role in the interactions between people. Acts of kindness strengthen friendships and generosity between teammates accelerates guild progress. But giving too much can result in burn out or being taken advantage of. When it comes to receiving, people have their boundaries. Officers typically don’t like members trying to “buy” privileges with presents. (And here I have to add, I was an officer in a guild for a year and a half and *no one* ever tried to exchange presents for privileges! I’m very insulted by that.) Players of either gender may or may not appreciate feeling “hit on” by other players. Many players don’t like others “doing things for them” since the farm or the grind is part of the fun for them. When receiving a gift is uncomfortable or unpleasant, it defeats the whole purpose of the gift, so being able to say “thanks but no thanks” without being hurtful is a useful skill.


Teh Holidayz Post!

December 24, 2009

You’ll have to excuse me, I’m not at my best.
I’ve been gone for a week.
I’ve been drunk since left,
And these so-called vacations will soon be my death…

My parents discovered that the only way to get me really talking is to keep me slightly buzzed and, as a poor starving college student, I don’t turn down free booze. My liver is going to be kaput at the end of these holidays. But it’s ok, I’m usually such a good girl that I need to make up for it somehow.

Apparently, even video games tell me I'm not a hat person.

So are you ready for Christmas?

I totally forgot to farm small eggs this year so I don’t have a kazillion gold a day rolling in. I also couldn’t be arsed to do the Winter Veil quests. Winter Veil is usually the only in-game holiday I follow religiously. Here’s why: I love this time of year with a passion. Bright colourful lights, delicious food in abundance, time to myself, sales at the mall, what’s not to love? And I find Winter Veil does a pretty good job of recreating the feeling, even though in-game stuff is nowhere as pleasant as the real thing. I hope skipping out this year doesn’t ruin the season for me. *crossed fingers*

I did get my in-game Christmas shopping done! On all three of my servers! I’m keeping it simple. Last year, I spent hours getting the mats together for Eternal Belt Buckles and Chocolate Cakes. Then I stayed up until 4 am on Christmas Eve, crafting, wrapping and mailing. And you know what? It was so silly. My gaming buddies would have been just as happy being singled out with a message saying “You Rock, love Ryk”. So, darling internet friends, guess what you’re all getting this year. 🙂

I don’t have plans for Christmas Eve.
This is why:

Guildie X: So are we raiding on Christmas Eve?
Raid leader: We’re not raiding on Christmas Eve or New Year’s Eve.
Guildie Y: Aw, now what I am supposed to do?
Guildie X: Ensidia raids on Christmas Eve.
Raid leader: Go join Ensidia then.

My family is really small and our Christmases are more relaxing time than anything else. When I was a kid, I’d be invited to my friends’ family’s IRL Christmas Eve raids, but apparently there’s an age limit on those invitations. So I’ll be drinking my parents’ Baileys and playing in the LFD. Which, I hate to admit, sounds way more appealing to me than dealing with drunk uncles anyway. Kinda bummed about not raiding though. How dare everyone else have a life.

Ooooooo, I’m excited to say, I did my Kris Kringle guest post! I made Gnomeaggedon‘s life difficult and added lots of pictures, I hope he forgives me. I’m sure you all have good taste, are subscribed to his blog and have seen it before reading this, but I figured I’d provide some links anyway for those who have yet to click on his feedburner button.

And someone will be guest posting here! I don’t know who it will be yet, but I can’t wait! I’ve never had a guest post before! (I’ve tried to get my funnier, more eloquent, non-blogging friends to write for me, but they just either give me really dirty looks or laugh like its the more hilarious joke they’ve ever heard.)

Happy Holidays everyone!

*The opening song to this post is from Spirit of the West and is called Home for a Rest.

EDIT: I made another guest appearance, this time on my bestest best friend Skip‘s blog. Remember to always /hug your druids.